When we feel torn between being productive and caring for ourselves, it can help to tune in intuitively.
“I have a few free precious hours – how should I spend them?”
Today I have a few hours. The house is empty; my diary is free.
“What should I do with this time?”
It feels precious, so I don’t want to waste it. But there is this heaviness in my eyes, and low energy from a week of teaching many classes, business meetings, the usual stream of decision making that comes with running a business.
The conflict between tiredness and a feeling of wanting to make the most out of the time has me procrastinating. There is an urge to find my favourite face cream, to scroll through the rabbit hole of social media feeds, find the perfect place for my chair.
I surrender. I decide to Tune In intuitively to see what wisdom has to say.
I close my eyes, placing this conflicted feeling on the altar of my heart. Reminding myself not to try to be spiritual, rather to bring the fullness of my raw experience to this moment.
I place the “What should I do?” question into the open space of my meditation inquiry.
The question feels heavy. Which is a clue, and I know better. Decades of changing radio stations from my surface mind to deeper wisdom have already taught me that asking a question with “should” in it is limiting because the deeper truth is there is nothing we should do. Should is a lie. Sometimes we cling to it for fear of freedom, wanting to be told what to do.
I know this question will not harvest much water from my wisdom well; it is a small bucket. So I craft a new question, my favourite question. The go-to bucket to send into my wisdom Well.
“What is the deeper truth?” my mind asks.
I focus on my body, noticing sensation, acknowledging, allowing and then setting an intention to open to the deeper truth. Allowing thoughts and ideas to arise while paying attention to which thoughts bring more openness. Because I’ve learned this tells me that I am accessing wisdom.
The lighter feeling tells me that I have dipped deeper than the surface mind.
“What is the deeper truth?” I ask again, willing, setting aside any agenda. Surrendered.
Then I wait, settling in the feeling of opened peace and let words arise. I write those words. Knowing that there is no perfect translation, only good enough. And that’s OK.
These are the words that rise in response to my question of what to do with a few free hours.
WISDOM: “The hours do not belong to you; they belong to life. Just like the seasons belong to life, and night and day belong to life. Fighting against the natural cycles of time, activity and rest, pushes you out of sync with nature. Your body and mind want to rest.
“Feel the call of rest. How the heart and mind open. Open to that openness. Smile. It’s OK. Rest.”
As these words land, I feel relief. Trusting the deeper truth, I give this deeper truth to the cells of my body. Letting the song of this wash over me.
MIND: “But it feels like the world is at war, I can’t afford to rest, I need to secure my income, to look after my family, my employees, and the many who depend on my work,” my thoughts argue.
WISDOM: “Lay down the burden of doership.
Remember that life is the doer. Trees know how to grow. Rivers know how to flow. Your life knows what to do. When it’s time to be productive, life flows with energy. What does your life want to do now?”
MIND: “Rest and be nourished.”
WISDOM: “Feel the truth of that.”
MIND: “I do. Thank you”
And so I rest.